With You
by MD2gether4ever
Summary: It follows after 4.11. MerDer. I tried to make it what I think the writers would do. It's my first fic, so it might be a little bumpy. Reviews are nice. I don't own Greys Anatomy.
1. Chapter 1

Meredith was laying in bed, Christina was next to her. She hadn't slept all night.

"Mere, you're still awake?"

"Yeah, um, I can't sleep."

"Well u better fall asleep soon or tomorrow your day's going to be hell."

"Yeah. Okay. I will."

Christina went back to sleep. Meredith pretended like she was going to, but instead still thought about her earlier evening. There were a million little puzzle pieces in her head that she didn't know how to put together.

Derek wanted to build a house for him and Meredith

Meredith wasn't ready

The previous day Derek kissed Rose

She cant trust Derek anymore

Derek and her broke up

Meredith didn't know what she was feeling at the moment. Anger, betrayal, sadness. She couldn't tell. Mainly, she was just confused. After 15 more minutes her conscious started to talk to her.

"Meredith you're fine. Completely fine. If you can't trust Derek, then you don't need him. Work is your most important factor right now. Focus on work. Put your whole time and thoughts into work. Don't let anything else get in." And with that she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek sat across the table from Rose listening to her tell about her day at work. Although he was paying attention, sometime he found himself drifting off and thinking about earlier with Meredith.

"No Derek." He thought. Iit's over, its done. She wasn't ready. It's time to move on. Plus you like Rose, so it shouldn't be that much of a problem." He turned back to Rose. Who was now talking about Tuck.

"I'm so glad he's going to be alright. I don't know what would have happened if he didn't make it. If Dr. Bailey would ever recover."

"Yeah, they were lucky." "Hey Rose, do you like ferryboats?" He was smiling at her. It was not quite the McDreamy smile, but it was close.

"Yeah I guess. I love the way they're built. And when I have time while I'm heading to work I like to take the ferry instead of the bridge because the view from the water is beautiful. Why?"

"Oh nothing. I just have a thing for ferry boats."

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"Meredith hurry up or we're going to be late!" Izzie yelled up the stairs.

"Sorry, I'm coming!"

" Is Meredith ok, she's never been late before?" asked Alex.

"I don't know, but if she isn't what makes you think she'll talk to us about it?"

"I don't know."

Meredith was running through her house trying to get ready as fast as she could. Even though she was going to stick to her plan she made the night be4, she still found herself in a daze. She grabbed the last of her things and ran downstairs.

"Sorry, I'm really tired, so nothing seemed to get done this morning." She said as she climbed into the car with an awaiting Alex and Izzie.

"Is everything all right?" Izzie asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Ya. I'm fine."

"_Of course you are." Izzie thought to herself_.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride to the hospital was unusually quiet. Normally Meredith, Alex, and Izzie had a lot to talk about. Discussing their current patients and what they thought about them. The car was especially loud when there was also George and Lexi with them. But today was different. Everyone was thinking to themselves. Meredith looked out the window, Alex was quiet for once, and Izzie was driving, focusing on nothing but the road. It was so quiet you could hear a pen drop.

After a 10 minute ride they pulled up into SGH. They got out, still quiet, and went up to the locker room to change.

"What's wrong with you guys? You're acting like the world is going to end in minutes. It's not like you. Well….it's like Meredith…..and Alex. Plus I should be the one like that too. But Izzie, what's your problem?" asked Christina.

"Just shut up Christina, I'm allowed to have a bad day some of the time. Anyways, why are you so happy? Are you finally working with Hahn?" questioned Izzie.

"No, but I have this amazing strategy that will bring Hahn crying to me. You see, she'll be stuck with a lesser person, say Alex…"

"Hey!"

"…and she'll get so fed up with the non-professionalism and will want some great resident, ME, to come and work with her. She'll see how great I am, and cardio will be mine again."

"What is taking so long?!!" stormed in Dr. Mark Sloan. "Because Bailey is at home today with Tuck she asked me to make sure you guys help your interns and do your jobs. I agreed because she said, "My residents are mature enough you won't really even have to check on them," But here they are still in their locker room, and they don't even know how to make their morning rounds on time! Move!"

The residents shuffled out of the locker room and headed toward their interns. They each stopped at the OR board to see who they were assigned to. Izzie was with Dr. Sloan, Alex was with Dr. Hahn, Christina was in the clinic, and Meredith was with Dr. Shepherd.

"_Great!" Meredith thought. "Just when I think my life can't get any worse, I'm kicked in the butt!"_

To Christina she said, "Hey, will you switch with me?"

"Mere, what's wrong with you? Since when do you switch shifts with people so you can work in the clinic?"

"Well, uh, it's just, the clinic is quiet and I'm really tired so I could use…"

As Meredith was speaking Christina looked at the board and understood why Meredith wanted to switch. She didn't know everything, but she did know that when Meredith didn't want to work with McDreamy there was a problem.

"Ok sure."

"NO!" ordered Mark. "Residents don't switch attendings they are supposed to be working with. Bailey was clear on that. Only attendings can switch. You're staying with whoever you were assigned to. Like it or not."

_Dang it._

Since there was nothing Meredith could do about it now, she grabbed her interns and headed to room 2316 to find her patient, and her attending.


	4. Chapter 4

She walked down the hall with her interns following closely behind. George noticed that something was different with Meredith so he walked up to her to talk to her.

"Meredith are you okay? You seem different."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired is all."

"You know none of us believe you anymore. Why can't you just talk to us and tell us what's wrong? We're your family. We'll listen."

Meredith didn't say anything. She kept walking, pretending to be in gulped in the chart of her patient.

George sighed and slowed down his pace so he was with his fellow interns. They took a left, walked down about five doors, and arrived at their patient's room.

"_And we arrive in hell." Meredith thought._

She opened the door and she and her interns entered to an awaiting patient and Derek Shepherd.

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Derek was standing in the room of Marcy Deston, a 42 year old woman who was admitted for severe headaches, dizziness, and occasional fainting.

She was a happy woman, always looking on the brighter side of life, despite that there could be something severely wrong with her. She didn't always smile, but her eyes always sparkled and you could tell that she was still happy.

He was telling her how when his assigned resident and her interns get there, they are going to take her down for an MRI and have her checked out. She seemed ok with it, whereas most people will start to freak out.

He looked down at her chart, filling out the appropriate information while he was thinking about his day ever since his date with Rose.

He had taken Rose home after their date, just dropping her off at her house saying he needed to get home to prepare for a big surgery he had the next day. He didn't have a surgery, or one that he knew about yet, but he just wasn't ready to go there just yet with Rose. He wanted to move on, but there was no sense in rushing into things when he wasn't ready. Plus she was ok with it, not wanting to move to far on their first date anyway, so that had made him feel better.

"_Oh my god," he thought. "That's what was happening with Meredith! No, no. The situation with Meredith was different. We were going very slow, and still Meredith wasn't ready."_

He made himself stop thinking about it, before he changed his mind again and continued to go over his evening and early morning.

He smiled to himself as he had gotten ready for bed that night, thinking about how he truly enjoyed his evening with Rose very much. They actually had a lot in common, with them both liking ferry boats, but the best part of all was that Rose was ready. She would give him everything he wanted in a relationship. As he had laid there though, for some reason, that seemed to make him upset.

It made him confused, seeing as how he had found someone who was ready to give him what he wanted, but he wasn't happy with it. He concluded that he was just overwhelmed, kind of like when you wanted something for so long and then you finally get it and don't know what to do with it. He told himself it would pass, and then fell asleep.

The next morning he didn't wake up at 3 a.m. to go fishing, and instead slept in till his alarm went off at 5 a.m. He woke with a refreshing feeling, and got up in a happy mood. He showered, got dressed, and headed out the door to his car, and drove to work.

After he had gotten changed into his scrubs, he headed toward the nurse's station stopping at the OR board to see who his resident was for that week. He looked down for his name, and paused when he saw Meredith Grey scribbled underneath it.

"_Great." He thought, "Just when things were getting better."_

He sighed, and turned around to begin his long and busy day.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith and Derek had met eyes for about a second when Meredith had opened the door and then just as quickly turned to her patient with a smile.

"Good morning Mrs. Deston!" She said as she tried to sound cheerful, "Are you feeling alright? Everything comfortable enough?"

"Oh yes of course," she answered, "I had these nice nurses who brought me everything I needed."

"That's great!" Meredith said as she tried not to gag at the word _Nurse._ "If you don't mind though, my interns and I would like to get started."

"That's perfectly fine. Do your thing."

Meredith smiled and turned to John, one of her interns. "John," she said, "Tell us about Mrs. Deston."

"Marcy Deston, 42 was admitted for severe headaches, dizziness, and occasional fainting. Her blood type is B and she is allergic to penicillin."

"Is that all?"

"That's all that has been recorded so far."

"Ok, now what do you suggest we do?"

"Start by getting an MRI to see if there is any physical object that could be causing her dizziness and then go from there."

"Ok good." Meredith turned to Mrs. Deston. "Mrs. Deston this is Dr. Marson. He is going to take you down for you MRI. Is that ok?"

"It's totally fine."

"Ok good. I'll come back and check on you in awhile."

Meredith smiled and turned to the door, not once glancing back at Derek. Her interns left right after her and they walked to the nurses' station where Meredith could give the rest of them an assignment.

Once again, she didn't speak. She was lost in her own thoughts, trying to figure something, anything, out.

"_He didn't look sad. He actually looked kind of happy. So was I right? Was it true when I said that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with me and that he just wanted someone who could give him what he wanted? Was our whole relationship based on a lie, something that I thought was there but wasn't? Did it really mean nothing? Was all those months of pining and..."_

"Meredith?"

"What? Oh ……. Sorry." Meredith said as she looked up to see her interns staring at her. Apparently, she had spaced out, lost in her own train of thought.

"Um, Williams clinic, Trace pit, and George ER."

For some reason, after she had given orders they didn't move. They just stood there looking at her.

"What are you waiting for? Go!"

On that note they scurried off, everyone except George.

"Meredith, clearly something's wrong. Please just tell me. You know you can talk to me."

"Nothing's wrong! I am totally fine!" She was getting mad now.

"Sure you are." And he walked off.

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"_Hopefully the hard part is over now," Derek thought. "The first meeting is always the worst."_

He was standing at the Nurses' Station filling out the charts of his other patients when he was greeted by Mark.

"Hey man, what's up? How was your date?"

"Actually, it went very well. We found plenty to talk about."

"See? I told you it wasn't that hard to get back on the horse."

"I guess you were right."

"Am I ever not?" He smiled and started to turn away when he flipped back around. "Hey drinks tonight at Joe's? Say 8?"

"Sure."

"Great! Call it a date!"

Derek smiled to himself thinking about Mark's weird sense of humor. When they were little he kept Derek laughing for hours. There was one thing though, that Derek didn't seem to understand. He was getting everything he wanted, a woman who was ready to give him what he wanted in a relationship, his best friend back, and to top it all off he was going out that night to have drinks with that best friend. But he wasn't happy. Ok, he was happy, but he just wasn't truly happy. And he didn't know why.

**Ok. So I'm not a doctor. I tried my best on the whole chart reading thing, even though it still sounds pretty bad. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying the fanfic. Thanks so much for the reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith walked down towards the clinic. She needed to talk to Christina. She was heading down the hall when she ran into Lexi.

"Oh. Hey Meredith! Is everything alright?" She asked kind of concerned.

"Yeah. Everything's fine. Just a little tired is all."

"Ok. Um, I actually kind of had a question to ask…..it's, it's….well…it's probably the wrong time and place to ask this… and you are probably very busy but…"

"Just say it Lexi."

"Ok. Can I maybe stay at your place tonight? I won't be any trouble or in the way or anything, I just really don't want to be with our dad. I want some space from him."

Meredith wasn't having the best day, so of course she was going to say no, but something stopped her. Lexi wasn't bad, and she already had enough people in her house anyway, so one more person wouldn't hurt. Plus she wanted to be a good sister.

"Yeah sure." She answered. "You'll just have to sleep on the couch or something."

"That's ok. I'll just come by after work."

"Ok. Great."

Meredith turned to go down the hall when Lexi called after her. "Hey Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Meredith smiled and turned away. She walked down the hall and down the elevator to the main floor, where from there she walked to the clinic. She found Christina and walked up to her.

"Hey."

"Why are you here? Don't you have a big surgery?"

"Yeah, I just needed some space."

"From?"

"Well first Derek, and then George has been on my case a little bit, so I figured I'd come down here."

"So you can bug me?"

"No, just to…"

"Bug me. So, what do you need?"

"I don't really know. I guess I'll just sit down here for awhile."

"Whatever. Just don't bother me."

Meredith sat down in the chair behind the desk in the clinic. She helped with some of the patients and caught up on some paper work.

About 25 minutes later she left. She headed back to the hospital to check on her patient.

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Derek was sitting in front of the computer, filling out some online paperwork and eating his lunch.

"Now why would you be eating lunch in here alone when you could easily be having lunch with someone else?" Rose asked as she stood in the doorway. She walked over and sat in the seat next to him. "What are you up to?"

"Oh just some paperwork I needed to fill out. What are you doing?"

"Well I was going to see if a certain doctor wanted to have lunch with me, but I can see that he's already eating."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to have lunch with me here? I know it's not special or anything, but it's still lunch together."

"Actually, after never finding the doctor I wanted to have lunch with, I finally gave up and ate because I have a surgery to get to."

"Oh well then I guess I missed out then. Maybe to make it up to her I should take her out to dinner tomorrow night."

"Maybe you should." She smiled and walked out of the room.

Derek smiled to himself until Meredith popped into his head. He sighed and made himself focus again on his work. He really didn't want to think about her right now. It was too hard.

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Meredith walked into the MRI screening room where she found her intern.

"Hey, how is it going?"

"The scan is just coming up now."

"Great. Let's see."

The scan came up a showed a tumor pressing against Mrs. Deston's frontal lobe.

"Great. Take her out and page Dr. Shepherd."


	7. Chapter 7

"What's up?" Derek asked as he walked into the MRI room. Meredith had left before Derek got there, saying she had another patient to check on when she was really trying to avoid him.

"Mrs. Deston has a tumor pressing against her frontal lobe."

"That's just great. Well all OR's are booked for today, so we'll schedule her surgery for tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm going to go tell her." And he walked out of the room.

Derek entered the room of Mrs. Deston to tell her the results of her MRI.

"Mrs. Deston," he began. "We just got the pictures of your MRI. It turns out that a tumor that is pressing against your frontal lobe has been causing your dizziness and fainting. We're going to have to remove it."

"I guess this is the time now to be scared huh?"

"It is only if you want to be. I am very good at what I do, but with every surgery there are some risks."

"I choose not to be scared then. I trust you. Plus life is too short to worry about a little thing like risks. We take risks everyday, so this is just another one added to my list. When will I have the surgery?"

"We would schedule it for today, but all ORs are full, so we will have to wait until tomorrow. If you could just sign this form, we'll go ahead and schedule it."

Mrs. Deston took a pen and signed her name neatly across the dotted line. She didn't look scared at all. Not even a little bit.

Derek thanked her and left the room. His shift was over, so he headed over to Joe's to meet Mark.

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Meredith had gone home early trying to get everything ready before Lexi came. Normally she wouldn't have cared, but for some reason, today she did.

She got out an extra blanket and pillow, setting them both on the couch just in case Lexi didn't bring anything. When she was done with that she decided to catch up on some laundry. As she was looking in her room to see what was dirty, she spotted one of Derek's shirts partly sticking out from underneath the bed. She just stared at it for a long time wondering what she should do with it.

After a moment more she picked it up, walked over to the nearest trashcan, and threw it in.

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"Hey man over here!" Yelled Mark from across the bar.

Derek waved to acknowledge he saw him, and walked over. "Hey." He said.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, just a long day." Derek sat down in the seat next to Mark and motioned for Joe to get him a beer. He looked down at his hands while he waited for his drink.

"Ok. You're not fine. Something's wrong. So open up, and tell me."

Derek sighed, and looked up at Mark. "I don't really know what's wrong. I mean, I'm getting everything I want, but it's still not cutting it."

"Not cutting it?"

"The feeling of emptiness. I mean, I think I know what it is, but I don't want to think about what I think it is."

"You mean Meredith? Why?"

"Because I'm afraid that it will make me scary and damaged, and unable to move on with my life."

"Ok, I know that I'm the one who told you to get back on the horse, but just for this moment, pretend I wasn't."

"Ok."

"Ok. So you think that because you still could want Meredith, even after you broke up, even after she wasn't communicating, even after you weren't getting what you deserve, that it makes you clingy and someone who is unable to move on?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"God, now I feel like your therapist. If you had one. Anyways, here's the thing. Have you ever noticed that when things get a little hard or complicated in a relationship that you tend to run in the opposite direction? I mean, Meredith wasn't communicating with you. You were ready to take the next step, but she wasn't, so instead of staying and fighting for it, or taking it slow, you run to someone else. In this case Rose. And now that you want to go back to the person where the relationship was hard, it throws you off. It doesn't follow your plan.

I think that you believe in happily ever after too hard. That when the relationship you are in, isn't in happily ever after, you run to find one that is. There is no such thing as happily ever after as much as you want there to be. Just face it, every relationship needs work, and it's not perfect."

Derek sat there for a few moments before he spoke. "You make it sound like I don't love Meredith as much as I think I do. That I didn't fight hard enough for me and Addie and that I just ran to Meredith."

"Oh no! That's not what I'm saying. Honestly I think you love Meredith much more than you did Addie, but you just don't know how to fight for a relationship."

"Wait, wait, wait. I am so confused right now. First you say that Meredith isn't giving me what I deserve and that I should move on, and now you're not?"

"I really don't know why I'm telling you this either, but I think it's mainly because I just want you to be happy. Whether it's with Meredith or Rose. I'm just telling you this because once you decide who you want to be with I want you to know that you're going to have to fight for it. And you can't keep doing what you've been doing."

"I just don't want to be alone, or in this same position for the rest of my life."

"Yeah no one does. But you also have to go slow for a reason. You have to be sure you made the right choice. And no relationship can stay in the same position forever. Eventually it will move to the next step."

"Then why did you tell me to go to Rose?"

"Because you weren't happy. And I was thinking just like you at the time. I always move on when things get hard, so it was easy for me to tell you to."

"What made you change?"

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that I'm still alone." Just then Mark's pager went off. "Got to go. See you later man." He put his money on the table and got up to leave.

"Thanks Mark."

"No problem. But promise me that you won't tell anyone, anything that I just told you."

"Sure."

"Oh yeah and another thing. You know what I just figured out? You run in relationships, and so does Meredith. Weird analogy huh?"

That last statement just threw Derek off.

**So what do you think? I almost didn't post this because I didn't know how well it fit in my story, but mainly, Mark did some growing and pointed out to Derek that Meredith wasn't the only one running in the relationship. Please tell me what you think and if I need to change it. Thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

About 30 minutes later the doorbell rang, and Lexi stood outside. Izzie answered and opened the door.

"Hey Lexi!"

"Hi. Meredith said that it was ok if I stayed here for the night."

"Oh yeah that's what I figured because she was cleaning the house and she doesn't do that unless someone she's trying to impress comes over."

"She's trying to impress me?"

"Maybe. I don't know. Hey has she said anything to you?"

"About what?"

"Oh I don't know. She's just been acting a little weird lately and I wanted to know if she talked to you about anything."

"No she hasn't. But is everything ok, because I also noticed that she hasn't been acting like herself either."

"Well I guess we'll never know."

"What does that mean?"

"It's just that Meredith doesn't tell anyone when anything is wrong. She'll hold it all in. I mean, sometimes she'll tell Christina, but that's it. She'll say nothing to anyone else. And it's kind of unfair, you know? I mean, we live together, and she won't even tell me anything. Sometimes I think that I can even help more than Christina. Meredith and Christina are like negatives, and when you put two negative ends together it doesn't work. She could use a positive thinker too."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well anyway, come on in. Meredith laid out some blankets and a few pillows on the couch and that's where you'll be sleeping. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Meredith told me ahead of time that I might be sleeping on the couch."

"Ok great."

Izzie and Lexi walked into the kitchen where Alex was sitting at one of the stools at the island. Izzie was in the middle of making dinner.

"I'm making pasta, something simple and easy, is it ok?"

"Yeah it's fine."

"Or you know, you could have some of Meredith's left over omelet." Alex added.

"Haha, very funny!"

At that moment Meredith came down the stairs with a basket of done laundry.

"Did you not like my omelet?"

"Oh…uh…no. Honestly Meredith it was horrible."

"Oh. Well you could have just told me that."

"And I'm also allergic to eggs."

"You are?! Next time you should really tell me these things!"

"I just thought I would hurt your feelings."

"Well it shouldn't because I knew I couldn't cook anyway."

"Oh."

"Well anyway we should be good, Izzie's cooking."

"Yeah and it's done!" Izzie proclaimed. "Come and get it!"

They all grabbed their food and were about to sit down when the doorbell rang, and Mark stood at the door.

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Derek drove back to his trailer thinking about everything that Mark had said.

_Do I really run just like Meredith? He thought._

He didn't know, and he was too confused to try and figure it out. He pulled up to his trailer, got out, and went inside. He was getting ready for bed when he realized what Mark was talking about.

He made a mental list in his mind.

_When I caught Addie with Mark, I ran_

_Then I left Meredith and ran back to Addie_

_When Meredith was deciding between me and Finn, I ran at the last minute because I thought I would hurt her again. But I still ran._

_When she told me she picked me anyway, I ran to get some space_

_After Meredith drowned, I ran by telling her that I couldn't breathe for her anymore_

_After Meredith got slapped by her father and I saw her with her friends, I told her I would always show up, but I didn't. _

_When Meredith wasn't ready for what I was, I didn't wait, I ran. To Rose._

Derek couldn't believe it. All this time he thought Meredith was why their relationship hadn't worked. Now though, he realized that he was a major part of it too. He also realized that it was stupid for him to think Rose would be the one to give him what he wanted. Sure she could give it to him. She could give him the marriage, the house, the kids, but she couldn't give him the feeling he got from it. She would always be his rebound from Meredith, as much as he would try for her not to be.

Derek didn't know what to do after all his realizations, so he just went to bed.

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"Hello?" Meredith asked as she opened the door to Mark.

"Hey Grey. This is totally not like me and I really don't know why I came here when I could have easily gotten a hotel, but I need a place to stay for the night."

Meredith just stared at him totally confused.

"Are you going to answer me or not?"

"Um….yeah, sure. Hang on one second." She shut the door on him and ran to Izzie, Alex, and Lexi sitting in the kitchen.

"Hey what did Mark want?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah about that. Mark wants to know if he can stay here for a night."

Meredith just got a series of blank stares staring back at her.

"Well what did you say?" Alex questioned.

"I couldn't say no. The problem is, where is he going to sleep?"

"So Mark Sloan is sleeping over here for tonight?!" Lexi asked.

"Yeah and we need to figure out where he should sleep."

"You invited him, it's your problem." Said Alex.

"Seriously Alex, just help me out."

"Ok fine. He can sleep on the couch."

"Lexi's on the couch." Said Izzie.

Everyone was quiet. They didn't know what to do.

"Ok." Meredith began. "It might be a little awkward, but Lexi could sleep with me and Mark can have the couch."

Izzie, Alex, and Lexi were quiet as they thought over Meredith's idea.

Lexi was first to speak. "Sure," she said. "I think I could do that."

"Great then it's settled. Now can you go let Mark in before he thinks we forgot about him." Stated Izzie.

Meredith walked back to the door to let Mark in and to start their long, awkward night.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ok." Meredith said to Lexi. "I know this is a little awkward but you can have that side of the bed. Um…Yeah that's pretty much it. Oh and I snore so," She reached into the drawer next to her bed and pulled out wax ear plugs, just like the ones Derek used. "put these on if you need to."

"Ok thanks. I really appreciate this Meredith."

"No problem."

"_Actually I really wish I didn't have to do this." Meredith thought._

They both climbed into bed, turned off the lights, and fell asleep.

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A few hours past, and Meredith was in such a deep sleep that she was dreaming.

_It was a wedding. Beautiful flowers were everywhere in the church. Covering the floor from the flower girl and lining the walls. There were so many different colors that the room looked like a scene out of a dream. Guests filled each seat, both for the bride and the groom, and everyone was happy. Standing at the end of the aisle was Derek Shepherd, wearing his tux and smiling like he didn't have a care in the world. Smiling like all that mattered to him was being with the bride that was walking down the aisle. The bride reached the end and together they stood, staring into each others' eyes. The priest had just pronounced them, and Derek was lifting the veil to give his new wife a kiss. He lifted it up, and the woman underneath was, Rose._

Meredith awoke in a scream. She sat up in bed to try to calm herself down. She was sweating, and it was hard to breathe. What started like the perfect dream, ended in the worst nightmare.

"Meredith are you ok?" Lexi asked. Apparently Meredith's screaming woke up Lexi too.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream."

"Really? Because if you need to talk, you know I'm here."

"Yeah, but I'm fine."

Lexi sighed. Heavily.

"What?"

"It's just that Izzie told me you don't talk to anyone about anything. Like when you're having a problem. You hold it all in. You know that's not healthy."

"There's nothing wrong though. Everything's fine."

"Yeah somehow I don't believe that. Why can't you talk to me. Is it really that hard?"

"You know I could ask you to leave if I wanted. This is my house." Meredith snapped.

Lexi closed her mouth and laid back down in bed. She was silent. Meredith laid back down too and tried to sleep. She laid on her side and closed her eyes, but when she did she felt horrible for snapping at Lexi when she was just trying to help.

"_What are you kidding Meredith?" She thought. "Of course you're not ok. You're a complete wreck. Lexi was just trying to help you and here you just yelled at her for no good reason. How are you supposed to grow if you still can't communicate?"_

Meredith rolled back to her back and opened her eyes. She sighed, and then spoke. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Lexi, I'm not good at the communicating thing, but if you're still willing to listen, and you're willing to forgive me, I could try talking."

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It spilled out. Everything. Meredith told Lexi everything that has happened to her in the past year, from meeting a guy in a bar that turned out to be her boss, to him making house plans for them and then kissing nurses in scrub rooms. It just flew out of Meredith's mouth, and there seemed to be nothing she could do about it.

"I don't know how to communicate, and the things Derek wanted scared me to death. He said he'd wait and he didn't. He seems to want to blame everything on me, but he doesn't get what he did wrong. I was trying, I really was, but it didn't seem to be enough. And now he's with Rose."

Lexi just sat there. She didn't know what to say. Everything Meredith said was very complicated and hard to understand. She thought it best to answer though, because Meredith was confiding in Lexi, and this was probably hard for her to do.

"Wow. Um, well, I don't think he completely moved on Meredith. Derek's not the kind of guy who says he wants to marry you and then move on when you're not going at the speed he wants you to. If he's 'moved on' I think you should try to too. Or, I think you guys need to talk. Really talk. Like a long, emotion filled speech, kind of like we're doing now. But honestly, I don't know what else you can do. I'm sorry and I wish I could help, but this is very complicated and the only person you can talk to is Derek. But is there anything else you need?"

Meredith felt completely relaxed for once. She didn't know how good it felt to talk to someone about her problems.

"Actually, that talk made me feel so much better. For once, I'm actually fine. And thank you Lexi, I really appreciate the advice."

Lexi smiled, "Your welcome." She laid back down in bed and fell asleep.

Meredith laid down too, but didn't fall asleep right away. Instead she thought about what Lexi said. She was confused and didn't know what to do.

"_I'll just think about it more in the morning." She thought._

She relaxed, and fell asleep once again.

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Derek literally could not sleep. As much as he tried to think about happy things to help himself relax it wouldn't work, because the only thing that made him happy was Meredith. It was easy for him to sleep when he wasn't talking about her, and sometimes when he was with Rose, but now he's openly discussing his current relationship with Meredith with Mark, and Rose, well, simply, Rose is not Meredith.

He tossed and turned some more but only to give up and get up a few minutes later. He went outside and sat down on his porch.

"_I'll just be up a few minutes". He thought. "Then when I'm tired I'll go back to bed and fall asleep right away."_

Derek sat and looked out at the view in front of him and waited. Minutes passed, and then hours, and then before he knew it his alarm was going off inside the trailer signaling for him to get up and get ready for work.


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith woke up to the sound of her alarm at 4:30. She still felt relieved from her talk with Lexi that she laid in bed a few more minutes and just smiled. She was so relaxed that she almost forgot that Mark Sloan was downstairs sleeping on her couch.

"_Great." She thought._

She got up, noticing that the side of the bed next to her was empty. Lexi had headed downstairs five minutes earlier. Meredith opened the door and headed downstairs too. She walked past Alex's room, and as she was doing so, he opened his door.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey."

"Is everyone already downstairs?"

"Everyone except you and me."

They went down and into the kitchen where they found Lexi, Izzie, and Mark, standing in the kitchen laughing.

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As Derek was driving to work he noticed that he had a missed call on his cell phone. He opened it up and looked at the number. It was from Rose. There was also a message attached to it. Derek dialed his voice mail and put his phone up to his ear to listen to his message.

"Hey Derek it's Rose. I'm calling about dinner tomorrow night. I took a look at my schedule and realized that I'm on call all night and I won't be able to go to dinner with you. I'm so sorry. Maybe we could reschedule? Just give me a call or I'll just talk to you at work. Bye!"

Derek smiled. Rose was really great. He couldn't help though, being relieved that she was busy and couldn't go to dinner tonight. He needed some time to think. He pulled into SGH and got ready for another day at work.

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"What's so funny?" Meredith asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Oh nothing," Izzie replied. "Mark was just telling us about one of his patients he had a while ago."

"Let me just say that some patients can be very…different." Said Mark.

"Oh. Well anyway, we better get going if we want to make it to work on time." Meredith said.

"Yeah. Probably." Agreed Mark.

Meredith, Alex, Izzie, Lexi, and Mark all piled into Meredith's car and drove to work.

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Derek turned off his car, grabbing his briefcase as he opened the door. He was about to go inside when he noticed Meredith's car pulling into SGH, and Mark getting out.

He froze.

"_How could she? How could he? How could they?" He thought. _

Derek didn't know what to think except for the fact that Mark was coming to work with Meredith Grey.

"_Are they dating?" He thought. "How could they be dating?! WHAT THE HELL?!!! Mark should know better!!"_

Derek was furious. He couldn't believe Meredith would go out with his best friend. He also couldn't believe that his best friend would do this to him again.

"_Ok, calm down Derek. You're with Rose now. Meredith doesn't matter anymore."_

He kept repeating that in his head to try to calm himself down. This was all too hard to think about.

He turned around, and headed inside.

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As Meredith climbed out of her car she noticed Derek staring at her. She also noticed that when she climbed out that Mark was right behind her, which, she thought, might look like something it wasn't.

She shook off the thought, and grabbed her things out of the car. Once everyone was out, they headed inside.

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Meredith changed into her scrubs and was heading down the hall when she was stopped by Lexi.

"Hey Meredith, is everything ok from last night?"

"Actually yeah. That talk really seemed to make me feel so much better. I'm glad we had it."

"Great. Anyways, I got to go. I'm scrubbing in on a surgery, but if you need anything else, just ask."

"Ok I will. Thanks again Lexi."

Meredith walked down to the nurses' station to pick up the chart of Marcy Deston. As she was flipping through it though, she realized that her surgery was today. The surgery where she would be standing next to Derek, in the OR, for 4 hours.

She wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Actually, she didn't even want to see him. She sighed, and went to go get her other work done.


	11. Chapter 11

She finished up all the post-op notes on her patients, and finished early enough that she had also done some on Izzie's, Alex's, and Christina's patients too. She was about to start on another chart when her pager went off. She looked down at it, noticing Derek's name dialing across, and knew that it was time for the surgery.

She still wasn't ready to talk to him. They were broken up, so why did she have to talk to him? She pushed that thought aside and walked down the hall.

"_There's one good thing about being a resident." She thought. "You don't have to prep your patients for surgery; your interns do it for you. All you need to do is show up when it's time for the surgery. But you still don't have the choice of who your attending is."_

She put down the chart, and headed to OR 2 for her surgery.

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Derek had scheduled Marcy's surgery for 10:30 a.m. so he had a few hours to kill before it. He went down to get some coffee and met Dr. Hahn in the room.

"Morning Dr. Hahn." He said politely.

"Yeah whatever."

"Umm, ok."

"Just because you're pretty doesn't mean everyone likes you."

"I wasn't asking you if you thought I was pretty." Derek stated with a confused expression. "I was greeting you good morning."

Dr. Hahn was silent for a moment, clearly lost in her own thoughts.

"Should I go out with Dr. Sloan?" She asked abruptly.

A few seconds past when Hahn continued.

"Wait, why am I telling you this anyway? Never mind." She got up to leave. "Oh yeah, this, what I just asked you, does not make me weak. I will still not be messed with. I was just, thinking aloud."

She left the room as Derek just stood there. He was thinking about what had just happened, and then turned, to get his coffee.

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At 10:15 Derek headed back up to Marcy's room to tell her, her surgery was about to begin, and to check to see if the OR was prepped. He stepped into the room and acknowledged the fact that the interns on the case had already gotten Ms. Deston changed and she was ready to go.

"Ms. Deston, I just came in here to remind you that your surgery is in 15 minutes and that you should be getting ready, but as I can see you already are."

"Actually I wouldn't have been ready if it wasn't for your amazing interns you have around this place. They were sure that I was ready to go. How long will the surgery be, do you think?"

"Roughly 4 hours, but you never know what other surprises might occur, so it could be more."

"Ok." Marcy sighed.

"There's nothing to be worried about." One of the interns, that wasn't on the case but was just helping Ms. Deston get ready, said.

"Oh no, I'm not worried. Dr. Shepherd should know that." She said as she turned to Derek. "I'm just ready to win this new battle so I can move on to conquer more."

Derek smiled, and left the room. He went to scrub up for his surgery. As he was washing his hands he remembered that Meredith was in on the surgery. After he remembered this though, the first thing that came into his mind was

Was Rose in on this surgery?

He left and went down to check the OR board.

"_Derek why do you care so much? Meredith knows your with Rose, and she knows that because she wasn't ready, you've moved on."_

Even though he had pointed out all of these things, he still ignored them and looked at the board anyway.

Luckily, Rose had another surgery 15 after Derek's started, so she wouldn't be able to scrub in. He sighed, and went back to scrub up again.

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Meredith rounded the corner and entered the scrub room where she found Derek scrubbing in already.

They looked at each other for a moment, and then turned their heads back to what they were doing. As they were scrubbing in, they didn't say anything.

As Meredith was scrubbing, she started to think about her conversation with Lexi. Should she still talk to him? She thought for a moment more, and then her mind seemed to have no more control over her mouth.

"Really nice lady, our patient."

Oddly though, at the same time Meredith spoke, so did Derek.

"Our patient really has strong beliefs."

Not knowing what to do, because their statements were asked at the same time, they turned back to their hands. Normally, they would have laughed, or never would have spoken at the same time after a long silence, because they always knew what to say, but since they weren't together anymore things were a little awkward.

The new silence was broken when Marcy flat lined in the OR.


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith and Derek raced into the OR, put on their gloves, and got ready to save her life.

"For a woman with very strong beliefs, she sure gave up easily." Said one of the interns.

"Excuse me," Meredith said. "You have no right to say that. You don't know that the patient can't hear you. Complications occur all the time in surgery, and it doesn't mean that the person on the table is not fighting. Say anything more, and you're out of the surgery."

Meredith turned back to the table where a few nurses were putting the paddles to Marcy's chest. The first time they had charged, nothing happened. She had still stayed flat lined. The next time they had charged, the same thing happened. It wasn't until the third charge, that Marcy came back.

Everyone let out some kind of sigh after Marcy's heart was beating again. Even though they barely knew her, everyone seemed to like her and couldn't live with her dying.

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The surgery went well, with the only problems being the flat lining in the beginning. Derek finally got over standing next to Meredith and made himself focus on saving Marcy's life. He was actually in a good mood, that was until he remembered Mark getting out of Meredith's car that morning.

His mood turned sour and he tensed up.

He almost forgot about Marcy when he remembered his life right now, with all his problems, was not important while he had someone else laying on the table, in his OR. He tried to push it aside.

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Standing next to Derek in surgery was very nerve-racking in the beginning, but now it was starting to get easier. Marcy was stable, and Meredith started to relax.

At one point though, in the surgery, Meredith felt Derek tense up next to her. No one else could see it, but because Meredith knew Derek well enough, she did.

She didn't know why now he would be upset about something. It was 2 hours into the surgery, and he had been doing fine standing next to her, so that couldn't be it. Honestly, she didn't even think about the whole Mark thing. She had totally forgotten about it.

Telling herself that she didn't care, she turned back to the surgery.

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The surgery went well. Marcy recovered and was moved into recovery where she should be for about 7 days, and then should hopefully be back on her feet.

Derek and Meredith were in the scrub room scrubbing out. Derek was scrubbing out as fast as he could. He didn't want to be in that room with Meredith right then. He just wanted to get out, and figure some things out. He was mad at the whole Mark incident and didn't want to be around either of them at the moment.

He left as Meredith was finishing up, and as he was doing so, he didn't even acknowledge she was there. Normally, after a surgery, the surgeon would thank the person who assisted them, or say anything to them about it, but Derek did neither.

He left the room as fast as he could, and didn't stop to say anything to Meredith Grey.

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At first Meredith was a little annoyed. It was just kind of rude for a surgeon to not say anything to their assistant that was in the surgery with them. And even though Meredith and Derek were not really talking because they broke up, it still did not give him the right to be rude to her.

She blew it off, and left the scrub room.

Meredith headed down to the lunch room to get something to eat. It had been a long surgery, and she was hungry.

She got in line, paid for her lunch and sat down at one of the tables.

Unfortunately enough, just as Meredith had sat down, her pager went off.

"_Seriously!" She thought._

She looked down at who was paging her and saw that it was Derek again.

"_What the heck does he want now?"_

She threw her uneaten lunch away, saying that she would grab something from the coffee cart later, and went to see what Derek wanted.

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She ran up the stairs, down the hall, and entered room 2316, where Derek was waiting.

He seemed to look like he was a little pissed off. Meredith didn't care though, he was rude to her, so she was a little pissed off too.

"Dr. Shepherd you paged?" She said.

Marcy Deston was sleeping in the bed, so she couldn't hear what was going on. She seemed to have some sort of a rash on her skin. Kind of like she was allergic to something.

"You ordered for Mrs. Deston to have two shots of penicillin an hour ago." He said harshly. "Didn't you know that she is allergic to it."

Derek was already mad at Meredith, so when this situation came up, he just got madder.

"Excuse me Derek," Meredith snapped back. "I wasn't in charge of assigning Mrs. Deston's medication. Plus if I was, I would know that she was allergic to it, so I wouldn't have given it to her."

"What are you saying that it was my fault?" Derek yelled.

"Yeah because it's not my job, and I was busy doing other things!" She yelled back.

"What, doing nasty things in on-call rooms with my best friend!" He screamed.

"WHAT!"

By this time both Meredith and Derek were screaming at each other.

"I SAW YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR WITH HIM THIS MORNING, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT. YOU GETTING AROUND AGAIN?"

"ME GETTING AROUND? WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU ARE DATING ONE PERSON, AT THE SAME TIME YOU MAKE OUT WITH NURSES IN SCRUB ROOMS!"

"WE WERE NOT DATING! YOU WERE BEING ABSENT AND NOT LETTING ME IN, PUSHING ME AWAY ALL THE TIME, SAYING THAT ALL YOU WANTED WAS S & M, AND THAT DIDN'T' GIVE ME ANYTHING! I COULDN'T STAY IN THE SAME POSITION FOREVER, SO I MOVED ON! WE WERE NOT DATING WHEN I KISSED ROSE!"

"DID YOU EVER TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT I WAS TRYING TO GET READY? YEAH I WAS MOVING SLOW, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE!"

"OH SO NOW WE'RE BACK TO THIS AGAIN!"

"YEAH I GUESS WE ARE. BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE? I WAS OPENING UP TO YOU, AND THEN YOUR WIFE SHOWED UP AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME ABOUT HER IN THE BEGINNING. THEN WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL GOING TO STAY WITH ME, YOU PICK HER! JUST LIKE THAT! SHE SHOWS UP AND YOU JUST BLOW ME OFF, LIKE THAT! THEN YOU FLIRT WITH MY SISTER, AND THEN MAKE OUT WITH NURSES IN SCRUB ROOMS! YOU CONSTANTLY CHOOSE OTHER PEOPLE OVER ME, SO I CAN'T OPEN UP TO YOU IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME AGAIN! WHICH YOU DID!"

"I JUST DON'T LEAVE YOU, YOU PUSH ME AWAY TO A POINT THAT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I TRIED TO TALK TO YOU, FOR YOU TO TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG, BUT ALL YOU DO IS HOLD IT INSIDE!"

Throughout this whole thing, as Meredith and Derek were screaming at each other, you could still see the passion they have for each other in their eyes.

"I'M SORRY DEREK, BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM! AND IF YOU HATED IT SO MUCH THEN IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING THAT WE BROKE UP! ENJOY ROSE!"

She stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her and went to the nearest on-call room.

**So fight? What did you think? I thought that I had to add a fight with Meredith and Derek, because all their emotions and feelings for each other seem to come out in them. Plus, it's the only way they communicate. Anyways, thanks for the comments and I hope you're enjoying the fanfic. ******


	13. Chapter 13

She was a wreck. She knew that. She also didn't know what to do about it. This whole thing was confusing, upsetting, and hard. Even though she was somewhat getting better at communicating, she still did what she's best at. Running. In this case, it was to an on-call room.

Meredith practically ran to the room, not stopping for anyone. So much had happened in such a small amount of time that she was just overwhelmed. She didn't know what to think about, and didn't know how to act.

When she got in, she shut the door, thankful that this on-call room had a lock. She left the lights off, and sat down on the floor against the wall.

"_Take deep breaths. Slowly. In and out." She thought as she tried to calm herself down._

She didn't even know why she cared so much. She's strong. She doesn't need a man in her life to make her happy. She can get along quite well without them.

Realizing all this though, still didn't keep the tears that were filling in her eyes from spilling over.

She was breaking. Right there in that on-call room. The Meredith that went so many years with holding everything in, broke and everything came out, all because of one man.

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After Meredith had left, Derek couldn't find the energy to move. He just stood in that room, staring at nothing in particular, not knowing what to think, or what to do.

Their fight played over and over in his head, and he couldn't stop it. He thought about everything Meredith had said, about how she can't open up to him, because when she starts to, he always leaves.

He never really realized how much his picking Addison had hurt Meredith. Even though he still loved Meredith, even when he was with Addison, it still didn't take away the fact that he had still chosen her.

He always thought he was right. He always thought that the whole reason their relationship went down the tubes was because of Meredith. And now hearing it from Mark, and Meredith, he's starting to believe that it wasn't just her.

"_Dang it Derek, how could you be so stupid!" He thought to himself._

Seeing Meredith hurt almost killed him inside. He wished he could make her feel better, but how can he when he's the person that hurt her in the first place?

Derek needed a little peace, and knowing that if he went back out to work he wouldn't get it, he sat down in one of the chairs found in Marcy's room.

If anyone had walked by while Derek was in there, they would have been able to see the pain that covered every inch of his face.

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Meredith didn't know how long she had been crying in that on-call room. But why would she care anyway? She never got paged, so she assumed she wasn't needed, and even if she was, she wouldn't have gone anyway, because she would be with Derek.

As she was trying for the third time to pull herself together, there was a knock on the door.

"Meredith? Are you in there?" Asked Izzie.

Meredith abruptly stopped crying. She sat there, wondering if she should answer Izzie or just pretend no one is in here.

"Yeah," she sniffled. "I am."

"Are you ok?"

"Um, no, actually I'm not." She said as she grew teary eyed again.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Uh, yeah, that would be nice."

She got up, unlocked the door, and let Izzie in. They sat down against the wall again.

"So what's wrong?" She asked concerned.

Meredith thought she was done crying, but as she was about to explain what happened, the tears came again and she was bawling.

"It's just that Derek and I had a fight, and the other day he kissed Rose and so we broke up, and he wanted to build a house together and have kids, but I wasn't ready, and he said he would wait but he didn't and he's hurt me many times, but I still love him and can't get him out of my head and I hate myself because I should hate him for what he did to me, but I can't." She said all in one breath.

Izzie put a comforting arm around Meredith and held her close.

"Meredith it's ok. It's going to be ok. And as much as you try to hate the person you love, you really can't. Derek shouldn't have done what he did, but I'm sure he had a reason for doing it, and that he still very much loves you."

"What would make you think that? The day before he told me he wanted us to build a house together he made out with a nurse in one of the scrub rooms, and now that we're broken up he's with her."

"Well Derek wouldn't just kiss some nurse because he felt like it. He's not that person. Did you do anything that would make him do that?"

"Gosh, now you're making this my fault? Why does everyone keep doing that! It wasn't just me! No one thinks about what Derek has done!"

"I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying that it's both of your faults. One person can't ruin a relationship, it's both of you. So all I'm saying is that, yeah part of it was Derek, but part of it was you, and you need to realize what you did wrong."

Meredith just sat there.

"I didn't mean to be critical, and I really appreciate you talking to me, but just think about it. Anyways, I got to go. You feel any better?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, well if you need anything else, I'll be here."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks."

Izzie left the room and Meredith was alone once more.

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After awhile Derek had gotten paged so he had to leave the room and go back to his day. He had performed an emergency surgery and was now filling out the notes on the patient at the nurse's station. After a few minutes Rose showed up.

"Hey! I haven't seen you all day? Did you get my message?" she asked.

"Hey. Yeah, um, I did." Derek answered as his eyes showed he was clearly somewhere else. "Hey Rose, do you think we could talk?"

"Yeah sure. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah."

They walked into one of the lounges.

"What's up?" Rose asked.

"Um, actually, I, um, don't really know how to say this but…"

"You think we should see other people." Rose finished.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Well, first of all, you don't take the person you're seeing into a lounge because you "need to talk." And, I knew it was coming eventually. I know you're still in love with Meredith Grey, and I knew it from the beginning. I went out with you because I thought, Hey, maybe, just maybe, he could move on, and he would want to be with me. I knew what I was getting into, because deep down I knew you wouldn't be able to, but a few dates with you was really nice, and I didn't care if you really wanted me or not, because I got to go out with you. I knew all I would ever be to you was your rebound girl."

"I'm so sorry. I just, it wasn't fair to you. You deserve better."

"Derek, it's ok. I knew what was happening from the beginning, but that didn't stop me. I was really stupid, so it was my fault."

"It was still rude of me to ask you out and give you hope like that."

"Maybe, but how about we just forget about it ok? I'm going to be alright. No hard feelings. You and Meredith deserve to be together." She said with a smile.

"Really?"

"Really. Good bye Derek." She smiled, and left the room.

Derek sighed, he felt relieved. He went back out to finish his chart.

**So Derek and Rose are over. Let me just say that I am so relieved. They are done and we can finally breathe again.**


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith decided that it would be best if she didn't lock herself in the on-call room all night and decided to come out and get back to work. She stepped out into the hallway and almost instantly got paged.

She looked down at the number, checking to see if it was Derek, and relaxed as she saw it was the clinic.

"Life as a surgeon. Always getting paged." She stated.

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Derek had felt almost stress free after he and Rose ended. It was like he could breathe again. He was starting to relax when he remembered he was still in knots with Meredith and how he was supposed to face Mark with what he did to him again. This realization, brought on another layer of stress. He made himself focus on his life drama later and finished his work.

As Derek was getting lunch Mark walked up to him.

"Hey man what's up?"

Derek didn't answer. He did not want to talk to Mark.

"Is everything alright?" Mark asked.

Derek still did not answer.

"Hello? Are you there?"

"How can I talk to you after what you did?" He said.

"What did I do? Is this the whole Addie thing again? Because man, I thought we were over that."

"No it's not the Addie thing. How could you sleep with Meredith!" Derek practically yelled. It was a good thing that no one was around, or rumors would be flying.

"What? You think I slept with Grey?"

"Well you got out of her car with her this morning, what else would you be doing with her!?"

"I don't know, maybe I stayed at her house the night before because I needed somewhere to sleep. I spent the whole night on the couch." Mark stated.

Derek was shocked. Dang it. Now he yelled at Meredith and accused her of doing something that she didn't. Great. He sighed.

"Now since that is all cleared up, can you tell me what's wrong, because clearly there is something else bothering you."

"Oh nothing. I just got into a huge fight with Meredith. I accused her of sleeping with you because I saw you get out of the car together. And now it turns out that I was wrong. I feel like such an idiot."

Mark sighed. "Well I guess that thought makes sense, but next time you accuse someone, you might want to check and see for sure."

"Yeah I know that now, but I just feel so stupid. Meredith didn't deserve me yelling at her for something she didn't even do."

"Well the only thing to do now is to apologize."

"Yeah, but I have this gut feeling that she won't forgive me."

"Yeah that's probably right, but you should just keep trying, and show her that you're being completely honest. Then maybe she will. Anyways, going to a different subject, I heard a rumor that you broke up with Rose. Is it true?"

"Who'd you hear that from?"

"Hello, rumor spreads so fast in this place."

"Oh right. Yeah it's true. I just told her the truth, and we decided that it was for the best. She took it very well actually."

"So does this mean that I have a chance with her?"

"Ha. I don't know, but what happened with Hahn?"

"I don't think she wants to go out with me."

Just then Derek's pager went off.

"I got to go. But the Hahn thing, I beg to differ." He said as he was walking away.

"Why, what did she say to you!" Mark yelled after him.

"Oh nothing." Derek joked as he rounded the corner. He had a smile on his face that told Mark he was lying.

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"What do you need?" Meredith asked as she entered the clinic.

Christina, still being assigned in the clinic, walked up to Meredith. "You locked yourself into an on-call room? Can I ask why?"

"How did you know that!" Meredith asked shocked.

"Well, I was walking by it, and I heard someone crying in it. I went looking for you to tell you that some loser was crying in an on-call room, but I couldn't find you. So I guessed it was you. Which it was."

"Excuse me Christina, but sometimes I just need to get away from everything, ok?"

"You've really changed. Now you're all emotional and are communicating. Are you feeling alright?"

"Christina, shut up! Is that all you needed me for, because if it is, I'm just going to go now."

Christina didn't say anything more, so clearly she was done.

Meredith turned, and walked out of the room. She just needed to go home.

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Derek came out of his emergency surgery where he had operated on a 57 year old man with severe bleeding in his brain.

He walked out, by the nurses' station, and saw Meredith leaving in the middle of her shift.

He just watched, and he knew she was leaving early because she just needed to get away. He also knew the reason she needed to get away was because of him. Derek's little bit of happiness faded as he watched the love of his life leave because of her pain.

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Lexi was walking down the hall when she saw Derek Shepherd staring into space. As she got closer though, she realized he was watching someone. Getting even closer, she saw it was Meredith Grey, her half sister, and the love of Derek Shepherd's life.

Being the optimistic person that she is, Lexi thought that the scene in front of her was one of the sweetest things. But she had to be supportive of her sister, so she shook away the feeling.

Meredith had left by then and Lexi watched as Derek looked away. She could see every ounce of pain on his face.

She had to get a chart, so she walked up to the nurses' station, forcing herself to not ask Derek if he wanted to talk, and left him alone.

By that time, a few nurses were farther down behind the counter. Apparently, they didn't see Derek, because they were talking about him. Derek also didn't hear them, or wasn't listening. Even if he was though, his face told you he wouldn't even have cared.

Lexi pretended to fill out her chart, and eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Did you not hear about it or something?" One of the nurses asked the other. "They were literally screaming at each other. I could hear it and I was all the way down the hall. I tell you, Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd really had some interesting things to say to each other."

"_What? Meredith and Derek got into a fight?" Lexi thought. _

Her thought was cut off, as the other nurse responded.

"Wow, I wish I would have heard it. Did you also hear that Derek and Rose broke up?"

"Really."

"Yeah. I guess Derek just told her the truth. That he was still in love with Meredith, and always would be. Rose handled it well, because really, everyone knew that."

"_Derek and Rose broke up? Was this true?" Lexi thought._

She realized that if she listened any longer she would get caught, because she had stopped her "writing." Plus, she already got everything that would be a help to her. Everything else they would say would start to be about the messes of their patients they had that day.

She finished up her work and went home to help Meredith.


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith had been home for 3 hours and had spent every minute of it in bed. She had been laying there, just staring up at the ceiling and trying to put her life together.

"_Why does everything have to be so hard?" She thought to herself._

Just then she heard a knock on the door and Lexi walked into her room.

"Hey Meredith, are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm ok?" Meredith asked.

"No, I guess it doesn't. Do you want to talk?"

"I feel like that's all I've been doing lately, so sure, what else do I have to lose? Um….. well as you can see, I left work early, which, you probably know why because gossip is the fastest thing that spreads at Seattle Grace, and here I am, laying in my bed, mainly just thinking about where my life has gone within the past year. It's been pretty cruddy."

"I don't think it's been completely horrible." Lexi said as Meredith gave her a look. "But then again, I only just started working at Seattle Grace so I wouldn't really know. And yeah, I do know why you left work early, I over heard some nurses talking about it. How bad was your fight?"

"I don't know. This whole thing with Derek has been so complicated that I just don't know anymore. I want to forget about it, but it's constantly going through my mind and I don't know what to do."

"Yeah, I can kind of understand that. But I do know one thing that might make you feel a little bit better. As I was listening to the nurses go on with their gossip I overheard them talking about how Derek and Rose broke up."

"What? Derek and Rose broke up? Well, I bet she wasn't good enough for him either."

"No, that's not the case. He broke up with her because he told her that he would never get over you, and that it wasn't fair for him to give Rose false hope."

Meredith just sat there, not saying anything.

"_Did this really happen, or is it just some rumor?" She thought._

Even if it was true, Meredith still wasn't going to fall for it. Derek has hurt her too many times and she can't keep jumping back to him whenever he says some perfect, prince-charming line.

"Thanks Lexi, but I'm not…… Derek, has hurt me a lot, and….. I can't….. he…. it's too much."

Lexi nodded her head. She understood. People don't get unlimited chances to get things right, and Derek has almost run out.

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Derek sat in his office. He wasn't catching up on work, or preparing for a surgery he had later, he was just, sitting. This whole week had been hard, and he didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know where he was going to go with his life, because he was alone.

"_Maybe this is a good thing." He thought to himself. "It gives me time to think everything over and figure out what I want. I need to follow what Mark was saying and take a break. I can't keep running to new people because one isn't ready. I can't keep being afraid to be alone, because if I keep doing what I've been doing, that is all I will be. Maybe not physically, but emotionally._

_I want Meredith. As much as she's not ready, and as much as I can say that I can move on. But how am I going to get her to forgive me? I have hurt her. Maybe even beyond complete repair. And to get her back, with her trust, I'm going to need to fight."_

His thoughts were disturbed when Christina came into the room.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Makinson, the man you performed surgery on earlier, he needs his medication, and it's nowhere to be found."

"The pharmacy probably hasn't completed the order yet. Have one of the nurses call them again about it. Hey um, how is Meredith?"

"Why?"

"Well she went home earlier, and you're her person, so I figured you knew how she is. Sorry, it's probably none of my business."

"Well, you're right on that. But about Meredith, I don't know."

"She still not communicating?"

"Actually, that's all she's been doing."

Derek stopped. Meredith was communicating?

"And anyway, we also had some argument, so I don't know how she's doing. Well, anyway, I'll have the nurses check the order."

She left the room. Hearing that Meredith had been communicating this whole time just made Derek feel worse about what he did to her. Not minutes after Christina left, he was pulled back into his thoughts again.

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By the time Alex and Izzie had gotten home, Meredith and Lexi had already fallen asleep. They had talked all the way until they were too tired to even keep their eyes open.

Lexi was even too tired to change into her pajamas.

Their talk had been mainly about Meredith and Derek, but Lexi was still happy that Meredith was communicating. She hoped that soon, Meredith wouldn't be as dark and twisty.

**So this chapter is a little shorter than my others, but it's still close. Anyway, what do you think? Thanks for all the reviews! **


	16. Chapter 16

**2 weeks later……**

It was one of those rare mornings in Seattle where the sun was shining. Meredith could tell from the moment she woke up. It caught her off guard at first, because she wasn't used to the sunshine in Seattle. At first she thought of it as some kind of sign, but then pushed it aside. Of course it was just that one day in Seattle when the sun was out.

She laid in bed a little while longer thinking over the last few weeks. The only thing she could think about was the fact that Derek dumped Rose. So what does that mean? She kept thinking about it, but constantly had to make herself stop. She didn't want to let go of her ground, because Derek didn't deserve for her to be pining for him. He had hurt her enough, and she had to make herself move on.

As much as she tried though, and with all the reasons to not to, she still couldn't get herself to hate him. At least completely.

She was still mad at him, but she still loved him. And as much as she tried, that wouldn't change.

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The past two weeks that had gone by were very normal for Derek. He kept thinking about Meredith though. Constantly her name, her picture, her voice, kept running through his head, and he couldn't make it stop. Even as hard as he tried. He hoped she would forgive him, but seeing as how they hadn't talked since their fight, he doubted it.

Why should she? He clearly left her more times than anyone would ever want to be left. He has no right to even think, that she would come back to him. But, even if there is some chance that she would, he would have to do something worth getting her trust back.

And he told himself he would.

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The car ride to work that day had been very crowded. So crowded, that there were barely enough seats to hold everyone.

There was Alex, Izzie, Lexi, George, and Meredith.

Normally there would be enough seats, but Meredith's car was filled with all her stuff and she didn't feel like removing it.

"_Why can't Alex and Izzie take their own cars? They have them." Meredith thought as she started the car._

With the fact that everyone was uncomfortable, it made the ride to work seem so much longer. No one seemed to care though, because the sun was out.

"Isn't it just so pretty?!" Izzie exclaimed. "I never knew how much I missed the sunshine!"

"Yeah it is nice. The rain really gets old after a while. It's nice to have something different." Lexi said.

"Totally." Alex added.

"Yeah." George said.

"Yeah, I wish it was sunny more often." Meredith stated.

They pulled into the parking lot and got out. For the past two weeks at SGH nothing exciting had happened. The days had gone by with the same kind of patients. Ones that had easy problems to fix, and it had gotten kind of boring.

The interns and residents went to their locker rooms and emerged some time later dressed, and ready to start their day. Their assignments were handed out, and after studying them for a few minutes they left and went to go do them.

Meredith and Christina were supposed to finish some charts and then report to their attending. Christina was with Dr. Shepherd and Meredith was with Dr. Hahn.

While they were working on the charts they stood, silent. No one knew what to say ever since their fight. After a few moments Christina was the first to speak.

"I uh, I'm not really good at this sort of thing, but, I'm sorry. It wasn't fair for me to call you retarded for sitting in an on-call room so you could clear your thoughts. I guess I'm just not good with the whole, "expressing emotion", type of thing, so, yeah."

"Christina it's ok. Really. I should have known you would have thought it was weird. You and I don't really do that sort of thing. How about we just forget it and move on, ok?"

"Ok."

"But next time, if something like that happens again…."

"Don't be a bitch and leave you alone."

"Yeah."

"Ok. I got it."

Now that the air was cleared, they went back to being the friends that they were. They discussed their thoughts on some of the things in the hospital, and Christina groped about her surgeries.

"I can't believe this! I still haven't worked with Hahn! Even after everything I've done! Can you switch with me?" Christina said.

"No. There is no switching, plus, I don't think I can work with Derek. I'm just….I need….. I can't work with him."

"Geez, I was just asking if you could switch with me and all you had to say was Yes or No. I didn't need a whole long speech on why you can't."

"Sorry. It's just, it's been weird. Did you know that he broke up with Rose?"

"So for the past two weeks McDreamy has been single? Really? Wow. That's a first."

"Yeah, and it's so hard because I find myself thinking that it means something. And I find myself smiling at the thought, and I don't want to. I hate how he always does something that makes me want him again, because I'm trying to tell myself that I don't need him, and trying to make myself not lean towards him, because I don't want to get hurt again. So I'm just so confused."

"Yeah I can see that. And don't go back to him. Not yet anyway. You need to be sure that he did it for you, and he needs to do something that is worth forgiving him for, and something that proves that he will never leave you again."

"Yeah. Thanks." There was a comfortable silence as they both turned back to their charts.

Meredith smiled. Christina was never one to give her advice on her relationship with Derek. She never wanted to hear about it. Plus she and Christina were good again, so that also made her happier.

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Derek found himself in his office, with nothing to do. All his surgeries were scheduled for the afternoon and he had caught up on all of his paperwork. No one needed him for a consult, so he found himself sitting.

He sat for a few minutes, but soon got up because the quiet only made him think of Meredith, and the pain was too much to bear. He instead went out to see if he could find Mark. He went out of his office and turned down the nearest hallway. At the end of it stood the nurses' station, and, leaning against the side, filling out a chart was Christina, and Meredith.

Derek stopped. It was crazy how just looking at Meredith made him loose his focus and stare. He couldn't seem to be able to tear himself away, until he realized that he was out in public and anyone walking by would think that the scene in front of them was a little strange.

He sighed, and went down the opposite hall. Little did he know though, that Rose was standing nearby watching him the whole time.

**Sorry I haven't written in awhile. Life has been busy. But anyway, What do you think?**


	17. Chapter 17

Rose smiled after Derek left. She had watched him stare at the love of his life, and as she was doing so, could see all the pain on his face. It was so visible like a "You Are Here" sign with millions of blinking lights surrounding it. She needed to let Meredith know that Derek really did love her and that she should really take into consideration about taking him back.

She knew that Meredith was in pain, but a man that would stand in the hallway, staring at the person he loved, with so much pain upon his face, and completely visible pain, was a man that would do anything in his power to never hurt you again. And she needed to be sure Meredith knew that.

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Meredith had finished her charts, and had some time to kill before she was needed by Hahn.

Hahn was still in surgery, one that Meredith figured gave her a least an hour to herself.

So she decided to go down to the tunnels and just relax.

She sat down on one of the beds, laid her head against the wall, and closed her eyes. A few minutes later she felt a presence standing in front of her, and she opened them again.

To her surprise, it was Rose.

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At first they just stood there, clearly being in an awkward situation.

"_What the heck is she doing? Is she trying to ruin my day or something?" Meredith thought._

Meredith opened her mouth, about to say something to break the silence, but Rose cut her off before anything came out.

"First off, let me start by saying that this may be a little awkward for you, but I won't be here long." She took a breath. "I just came down here to tell you that Derek really loves you. And you should give him another chance. I know he's hurt you, but you should. I also wanted to say that he always wanted to be with you, even when we were, dating. What you two have is special, and I don't think you should throw it away just yet. Give him one more chance." She smiled, and turned away. She headed back upstairs.

Meredith sat still. What had just happened? She sat confused for some time, and then smiled.

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Derek searched everywhere for Mark, but he was no where to be found. He had checked the OR board, and had searched the halls, but he couldn't find him. Finally remembering that Mark is Mark and he is probably somewhere doing some very Mark-like activities, he gave up.

Now there was nothing to distract Derek from Meredith. He was constantly trying to find something to do to keep his mind off of her, but nothing was working.

She flew through his mind like oxygen. Needed. Never stopping. He was trying to hard to avoid her, because he couldn't forgive himself for hurting her. He also, wouldn't know what to say.

Now though, with no Mark, and no work to do, the sudden silence hit him with thoughts of Meredith.

He decided to go down and get something to eat to try to take his mind off of her, and try to get himself to relax.

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By now Izzie, Alex, George, and Christina had joined Meredith down in the tunnels. They had even invited Lexi, but she was scrubbed in for a surgery, so she couldn't. There wasn't much conversation going on, everyone was just enjoying the view and the little down time they had.

The comfortable silence lasted a little longer, but was finally broken by Christina.

"Meredith, what the heck is wrong with you?" She asked.

Meredith's head popped up. Apparently, she was still smiling.

"I'm sorry….what?"

"What's wrong with you? You're all smiley and gooey inside. It's so visible on your face it's disgusting." With only an hour after the advice Christina had given Meredith earlier, she was back to herself.

Meredith cleared her throat and wiped the smile off of her face.

"Nothing. I'm just really enjoying the sunshine." Meredith had been working on her communication skills, but this she did not want to say. She didn't want her friends to know she was thinking about Derek, even smiling about him for that matter. Most of all though, she didn't want them to think she gave in to him again.

"_Meredith, you're not giving in." she reminded herself. "You're just, thankful."_

"Come on Grey. Spit it out." Alex pressed.

"There's nothi……." Just as Meredith was about to protest, her pager went off, and she was needed with Hahn.

"_Saved by the bell."_

She got up, and headed back upstairs.

"Don't think you're off that easy Grey. We will find the answer!" Izzie called after her.

Meredith turned, looking back at her friends, and then continued up the stairs.

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Derek sat down at one of the tables, coffee in hand, and tried to relax. He smelled his coffee, trying to use the warm hazelnut scent to relax him, but it wasn't working. He tried looking out the window, looking at the way the sunshine made everything brighter, but that wouldn't work either. He even went so far as to close his eyes for a few minutes, and that was the worst, because all it did was give him a picture of Meredith's face.

Derek was getting antsy and couldn't sit still any longer. Suddenly he knew what he had to do, and as much as he had been trying to avoid it, he couldn't take it anymore. He got up, threw away his barely touched coffee, and headed out of the room.


	18. Chapter 18

Surgery lasted 3 hours, and as happy Meredith was that he survived and she got to scrub in, her feet were killing her. All she wanted to do was sit down, they hurt so bad.

She was finishing up her post-op notes on her patient when she remembered what Rose was telling her earlier.

"_He really loves you Meredith. Just give him another chance."_

She stopped what she was writing and just thought about this for a second. Meredith was so confused and didn't know what to do. She wanted Derek. She always had, always will. But as much of the fact that she wanted him, doesn't take away the fact that he hurt her, more than once, and she didn't know if she should risk that happening again.

At first she thought she had made up her mind, that she would forget Derek, but then she started to think about all the good moments they shared, and she realized that she couldn't. She would never be able to forget Derek.

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Derek sprinted up the stairs, searching the halls for Meredith. He hoped she wasn't in surgery, because he needed to do this while he still had the courage. He looked at the OR Board and sighed as he noticed her name was not on it. He looked around him and stopped, as he spotted her, sitting in one of the offices, filling out a chart.

His breath caught, and he could feel his hands getting sweaty, as he looked at the love of his life. Suddenly, he didn't know if he could do this. He forgot everything he was planning on saying.

"_Derek, you are not walking away. Not this time." He thought._

He took a step forward, then another, and soon, he found himself standing in the doorway. Meredith hadn't noticed he was there at first, focusing on her chart.

"Hi." He said. The last talk they had wasn't really a talk at all, but a full screaming-at-each-others'-face fight.

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Meredith looked up, and paused, staring up into the face of Derek Shepherd. For a moment they just looked at each other, partially because they hadn't spoken in such a long time, a lot has happened to them, and partially because they were so mesmerized by the eyes of the other.

Eventually, their trance broke and Meredith spoke. "Hey."

This next silence was awkward, as both people didn't know what to say.

"_We always have something to talk about." Derek thought._

Meredith opened her mouth to try to add something to their "conversation", when Derek cut her off.

"Meredith," he said nervously, "can we talk?"

Meredith sat there for a moment and Derek thought for a second that she was still the same old, non-communicating Meredith, when she answered.

"Yeah."

He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. Meredith got up, feeling the need to stand, and waited for what came next.

Derek sighed, trying to clear his thoughts, when he caught Meredith's gaze, and her eyes. He was glued, and everything spilled out.

"I'm sorry." He began. "For everything I've done to you Meredith. From picking Addie over you, to telling you I can't wait anymore while you get ready. All of that stuff I regret and I know, as much as I wish it could happen, I can't go back in time to change it. I've been a real ass to you, and I'm sorry."

Here he paused, and as Meredith looked into his eyes she could almost see tears forming at their corners. Derek wasn't one to cry easily, and from the expression on his face, she could see that he was being completely sincere about everything he had just said.

Derek continued. "I'm sorry about Rose. She was a mistake. Choosing Addie was a mistake. And I can't take either of those things back. I caused you so much pain because of those, and I'm sorry. You deserve better. Meredith, you deserve the best. So I'll finish up by saying that I'm sorry again. And that the only time I've been happy has been when I'm with you. And as much as that sounds corny, it's the truth. I hate what I did to you and if I could change that by going back in time, I would do it in a heartbeat. I love you Meredith. Always have, always will. So I just wanted to say that Rose is done, she really always has been, and that if maybe, you could give me another chance. If you choose not to, I'll understand. I just want you to be happy."

**TO BE CONTINUED………**

**So this is the first part of my ending. I wanted to leave you hanging a little bit, and keep you on the edge of your seats for Meredith's answer. What do you think? Thanks for all the reviews!**


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith stood there for a moment, and didn't say anything. She was in shock, and didn't know what to do.

Derek stood there, waiting for Meredith's answer. He was done with his speech and was shocked that he got everything out that was on his mind. Moments passed, and still Meredith didn't say anything. Derek was starting to loose hope.

"_Clearly if she wanted to be with me, she would have said something by now." He thought._

Another moment passed, then another. When Meredith still said nothing Derek was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Ok. I understand." He said as he turned toward the doorway, a look of sadness planted across his face.

"No." Meredith said.

Derek turned around, his hope coming back.

Meredith closed up the space between her and Derek in 3 strides, and looked him right in the eye. "I will never be able to live without you. But, if this is going to work, you need to promise me that you'll never leave me."

"Not a problem."

Gazing into the eyes of the person they loved, caused them both to smile, a genuine, happy one that stretched from ear to ear. And in one swift movement, Derek's and Meredith's lips were locked, in a kiss with so much meaning in it.

Maybe happy endings can happen.

**THE END. So, what do you think? ****I was thinking about writing a sequel****. So a yes or no on that would be great. I hoped you enjoyed the fanfic.**


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